Turning 30 felt like a transition I needed to explore photographically, both as a momentous occasion and an opportunity for self-exploration through the lens of aging. I began taking self-portraits to witness myself in this moment of change, hoping to document the experience in a meaningful way.
At first, the process felt rushed and manic, as if this moment would slip away if I didn’t capture it properly. I lost myself in the challenge and pressure to take a self portrait every day throughout the few months leading up to and after my birthday. I disliked many of the images and the project, as I had envisioned it, felt like a failure. The only images that I did enjoy from this initial stage were the self portraits I captured on Polaroid.
There’s something about Polaroid film that embraces imperfection—the softness, the unpredictability, the way each image feels like a memory even as it’s being made. These images were the only ones I connected with in the beginning, and they helped me find the excitement to continue the exploration. I let go of rigid expectations and started experimenting, photographing myself in pastel tones, harsh black-and-white, and moody contrasting colors. I played with bouquets of flowers, star-shaped balloons, and pill bottles. Each setup became a question: Who am I in this scene? Who am I becoming?
The instant nature of Polaroid allowed me to surrender to the process, to explore identity without overthinking. Some images are quiet and intimate, others more staged and constructed. But all of them reflect the complexity of this moment—both grounded and in flux, shifting yet whole. It’s an exploration of identity that captures the wholeness of who I am as a person who is in their 30th year.
